Диссертация (1168674), страница 39
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This feature can also leave the contribution to human evolving, especially considering that new viruses are appeared.232Modern evolve of human wears not only biological, but also cultural character. Even if biological evolution will finally over (but that is improbable), cultural evolve will be always. Based on logical argumentation and genome researches, we can conclude that the human continues evolve, however, veryslowlyОценивание со стороны другого студента: 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+3+2+1+1+?+?+2Эссе убедительное, структура соблюдается. Есть небольшое замечание по поводу аргументов.Второй аргумент очень похож на первый (в первом обсуждаются условия среды в общем, а вовтором более конкретные - микроорганизмы). Мне кажется, аргументы должны быть более независимыми.
Кроме того, хочется отметить идею про культурную эволюцию. С одной стороны, этоинтересная мысль, однако, если сильно придираться, возможно, она не очень вписывается, поскольку в данном тексте обсуждается исключительно биологическая эволюция. А в целом, хорошо:)Пример №3.Nowadays people are the most invulnerable animals on the Earth. We have high technologies and cantreat many diseases. It makes people think that we do not evolve anymore. But we are still a part ofnature. It would be a mistake to think different.Evolution is a complicated process. The main mechanism of evolution is natural selection which can bedescribed as:“weak individuals do not breed”. This mechanism is still working among people, becausethose who have incurable diseases can die before they reproduce. Hence, their genes with these diseasesdo not establish in people population.
Such diseases are usually gene mutations which cannot be treatedby modern medicine.I addition to this, recombination of parents' genomes also exerts human evolution. Although this is quiteslow process, due to genetic recombination recessive genes that can cause different diseases graduallyeliminate. Thus, the probability to have some of those diseases decreases and this is an evolutionaryprocess.In conclusion, evolution is a very slow and long-term process. Its results can be seen only over hugeperiods of time, but it never stops. Now people evolve as long time ago and the mechanisms that undergoevolution are the same.
People just can not see any evidences in their everyday life.Оценивание со стороны другого студента: 0+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+3+2+1+1+?+?+1This essay is not bad, but it contains a few errors - for instance, the author did not use topic sentencesand did not accurately express his opinion using formal structures "I suppose," "I suggest", "I honestlybelieve" and others. I also did not like the excessive simplicity of introduction and conclusion. Goodtrate of this essay is using of means of expression of the connectedness of the text (in addition to this, inconclusion, thus, hence).Пример №4.All living organisms such as animals, plants, bacteria, fungi on the Earth are changing now. They aremodified by different effects of environment.
The results of these changes, how we can observe, arealteration of appearance, acquisition of new abilities, modifications of genetic system, increasing of survival, also, and loss of complexity. As is know this process is evolution. However, there is main questionthat people as particular members are still evolving? I think human evolution occurs, but it happens veryslowly.Nowadays in conformity with statistic data scientists know that human males have smaller canines thanin the past.
Researchers think that size of canines connected with level of main male hormone, testosterone. Thus, all human males were hunters and have high testosterone level with big canines. However,now there is not hunting necessity, so testosterone level decreased.According to Synthetic theory of evolution the evolutionary process never stops. Gene’s selection always happens, but rate of evolution in different groups of living things is very various. Bacteria evolve233very fast and we can see their changes.
People and other vertebrate evolve more slowly. We cannotnotice the results of evolution because ours life is shorter than it is necessary to see alteration of people.All in all I support the opinion that people are still evolving. Maybe after hundreds years, when humanspecies will be different then now, ours offspring will look at these differences and will realize thatevolution has never stopped and will not stop (245)Оценивание со стороны другого студента:Решение коммуникативной задачи: 1+0+1+0+1 (3/5)Первый аргумент не соответствует теме.
Обсуждается эволюция человека сейчас, а аргумент –это пример эволюции, уже произошедшей. Если имелась в виду медленность процесса, тогдавторой аргумент повторяет первый. Поэтому первый аргумент не засчитывается.Структурно-стилистическая и смысловая организация текста: 1+1+1+3+2+1+1 (10/10)Убедительность и ясность аргументов: 1 (1/2)Пример №5.Nowadays people are the most invulnerable animals on the Earth. We have high technologies and cantreat many diseases. It makes people think that we do not evolve anymore.
But we are still a part ofnature. It would be a mistake to think different.Evolution is a complicated process. The main mechanism of evolution is natural selection which can bedescribed as: “weak individuals do not breed”. This mechanism is still working among people, becausethose who have incurable diseases can die before they reproduce. Hence, their genes with these diseasesdo not establish in people population. Such diseases are usually gene mutations which cannot be treatedby modern medicine.I addition to this, recombination of parents' genomes also exerts human evolution. Although this is quiteslow process, due to genetic recombination recessive genes that can cause different diseases graduallyeliminate.
Thus, the probability to have some of those diseases decreases and this is an evolutionaryprocess.In conclusion, evolution is a very slow and long-term process. Its results can be seen only over hugeperiods of time, but it never stops. Now people evolve as long time ago and the mechanisms that undergoevolution are the same. People just can not see any evidences in their everyday life.Оценивание со стороны другого студента:Решение коммуникативной задачи: 1+1+1+1+1 (5/5)Структурно-стилистическая и смысловая организация текста: 1+1+1+3+2+1+1 (10/10)Убедительность и ясность аргументов: 2 (2/2)С одной стороны, если данное эссе прочитает биолог, то он поймёт мнение автора в первом абзаце.
Но, для человека не знакомого с этой тематикой, лучше написать четче: «Я считаю, чточеловек всё ещё эволюционирует», например.Понравилось построение третьего абзаца, в особенности применение средств связи.А для большей убедительности аргументов, мне кажется, стоит писать конкретные факты, в данном случае, конкретные болезни.P.S. Привычка с русского.Пример №6.How strong is our affinity with our parents? And their similarity with their own parents? And how strongour affinity with our farther ancestors? This difference exists and it is serious. Evolution of human beingsis the cause of this.
This process continues nowadays.All living creatures evolve. Humans is no exception. It is one of the fundamental laws of universe. Darwin suggested long time ago that organisms can evolve storing up unnoticeable differences. Modernscience proved how our genome alters from generation to generation. Now we believe that competitionbetween gens drives evolution forward. We all change question is how much?234To give an illustration of evolution we can see how humans height have changed. For at least two generations ago people were significantly lower than nowadays.
Our features depend on our available resources. According to the laws of evolution, short stature is not advantageous when the standard of livingis low. Recently food was not so abundant as nowadays and amount of nutrient was lower. Thus, availability nutritious food resulted in increase of height.Taking everything into account the process of evolution has not stopped.
Some evolutionary factorsaffect us not so rigorously as wild animals due to the achievements of science and technology. However,we are still evolving in accordance to base Darwin laws of evolution.Оценивание со стороны другого студента:1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+3+2++1+1+...+4+1Эссе мне понравилось. В целом четко выражено мнение автора, оно не копирует название темы,а перефразировано, четко выражена позиция автора.
Аргументы хорошие, подтверждают мнениеавтора. К структуре и стилю тоже нет претензий, имеются четыре абзаца, нужное количествослов, а также наличие средств логической связи. Насчёт грамматики и лексики точно сказать немогу (поэтому за лексику поставлю максимум, а с грамматикой я вообще не в силах тягаться).В целом мне понравилось эссе, возможно, хотелось бы увидеть примеры из современности и вовтором абзаце.
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